Change Is The Only Constant

I haven't been blogging lately.

As if you hadn't noticed.

Stalker.

Don't worry, I like it. But I haven't been blogging because of TWO very good reasons. The first I can't really talk about at the moment. But I am very excited and find it hard not to blog about it, so hence the reason I have been... not blogging. And no, I am not pregnant. Y'all can just keep your pants on.

Secondly, B and have had so many changes in the past month. It has been totally crazy sauce. In a good way, but oh my holy GAWD, has it been a whirlwind. B got promoted (yay!) and transferred. His transfer sent him to the store I was at, so then I got transferred. Now he is in a new position and I am at a larger store with no other management. The changes are welcome as they are both great career moves, however also difficult- mostly because it's change. But, a month later we both have our footing and have settled in at our new stores.

Another big change is B quit smoking. I can't even begin to describe how proud I am of him. It really is awesome that he was able to tackle it. And now that he has, this whole shtick was brought up. And not by me. But it was motivation enough for me to up and join and gym AND get a personal trainer. It really does help me avoid throwing in the towel knowing that he was able to conquer the smoking thing and gives me hope that I will be able to conquer my weight loss battle. I just want to be healthy. You know, for when the baby thing happens.

Speaking of babies (you see what I did there?), currently no less than 4 of my friends are pregnant. This is another huge change- the presence of wee ones. To give you some perspective, last year at our friends annual Superbowl party there were no babies. Zero. This year, three babies present and two on the way! It was different, but not in a bad way. We still had a great time and B even held one of the small humans! And I can't help but wonder what is in store for next year...

Goodbye Part Two

Growing up, our house was always under constant renovation/construction. My mom being the picky bitch visionary, and my dad being the handy man, there was always something to re-do, improve upon, or just plan change cause they didn't like it. And, while my dad had good intentions, he was not always able to keep up with mom's grand plans. As such, rooms went tore up and unfinished for years. See example: 3 hour long home video that takes place over the course of 7 YEARS in which my parents rip out and completely rebuild their kitchen.

Perhaps this is where my love for take-out and need to dustdustdust comes from?

To make a long story even longer and more ramble-y, I vowed when I grew up that I WOULD NEVER DO WHAT THEY DID. ::Enter ironic laugh here:: Some of you might recall my last post, you know, the one where I bragged about getting a new sink and that fancy disposal thingy. It seemed simple enough to me. Pop old sink out, drop new sink in, connect some wires and plastic tubey dealies. Done! I am totes experienced in this field. I smell a job change in my future.

I guess it was a bit more complicated than that. Normally, B can handle the little remodels around here, but since this involved plumbing which he is not too familiar with, we called in reinforcements- my dad. Two beers, two pizzas, and three hours later the sink was in.

You would think this would make me happy! New sink! Garbage disposal! No more rust stains!

Wrong.

As it turns out, the contractors that built this ghetto of a house jimmy rigged the dishwasher with a too short hose. Now, with new sink in place, the existing hose is not long enough to connect my dishwasher. Ok- we are minus a luxury for a few days. Oh! And, yes the newly installed garbage disposal works... when you climb underneath the sink and plug it in to the outlet EACH AND EVERY TIME YOU WANT TO USE IT. Apparently there needs to be a switch installed or some shit. Now we are down two luxuries and I am starting to question things. And, don't you know we can't put the cabinets and contents of said cabinets back until those things are fixed, so I have bits and pieces of the above strewn about the kitchen. It has been like this for going on 4 days.

*Eye twitch*

But, at least it looks nice.

Goodbye Part 1

Relationships are complicated.

In the beginning everything is new. Everything is shiny and wonderful. It's exciting! And so you don't notice imperfections. Hell, you might not even notice critical fundamentals are missing for a strong and lasting future. Maybe that is why they say love is blind?

As time wears on, you begin to notice things. Flaws start to rear their ugly heads. You begin to question things. And eventually, you begin to wonder why you ever got into this relationship.

I think for some relationships this is natural. And, as most everyone does when you reach that point, you decide to end it. For me, it has been 5 years. And while there have been some good times, the past few years it has gotten harder to live with my disappointment and disgust. I have become resentful at times and now, after much thought and reflection, I have decided to break up with my sink.

I have not told sink yet. But, this weekend, along with my husband and my dad, I will be removing it from my life forever. Looking back, sink and I were never a good match. I mean, it didn't even have a garbage disposal! And the premature rusting was just plain unattractive. I need more in a sink. I deserve better.

This is My Scrooge Face

The holidays are a bitter sweet time for me. It wasn't always thus. Five years ago I would have gladly joined in with the of carving pumpkins, stuffing turkeys, and baking Christmas cookies. Five years ago, thoughts of family gatherings, holiday work parties, and champagne filled New Year's eves would have been front and center on my mind. And, come the beginning of October, when the leaves start changing and the days turn a bit colder, those warm fuzzy thoughts of the holidays sneak in, only to be quickly and abruptly squashed and replaced with thoughts of dread. Pure and utter dread because five years ago I started working retail. And working retail and warm fuzzy holidays feelings... they don't mix.

A list of reasons why:
1. There is no time off for me because everyone still needs to buy crap

2. Everyone translates to the entire population of the world times fifty gillion

3. While the holiday, whether it be Thanksgiving, Christmas, whatever, has been on the calendar for the ENTIRE YEAR, people decide the day before is the best time to go shopping

4. And then they are pissed at me when the store run out of turkey lacers, cheese cloth, wrapping paper... HOW DARE YOU NOT HAVE ENOUGH WRAPPING PAPER TWO HOURS BEFORE MIDNIGHT ON CHRISTMAS EVE, THE NERVE!

5. Now I have ruined some kid's entire life because their screw up parent just realized that zomg! tomorrow is a total sneak attack holiday that i had no idea about and i have nothing for my kids! this does not reflect on my parenting skills!

But, as I said... I still get the warm fuzzies, albeit brief and sparatic. Yesterday one of these moments hit me and I decided to put up the Christmas tree. Last year I was totally defeated the entire season and did not even get around to putting a wreath on the front door. However, yesterday I felt motivated so I went down to the basement and dug out the tree, ornaments, stockings, and garland. Things were going smoothly. I organized the ornaments, shook out the tree skirt, put on some Christmas music, and got to work. I was thinking things would go pretty quick as the tree is pre-lit so there is no messing with tangled lights or the pesky stringing and restringing to get them just perfect. Cause don't ya just hate when one side of the tree has more damn lights or a bare spot?! HATE. I digrees. So pre-lit. Easy. Or so I thought. I got the tree all set up, branches fluffed, positioned, and plugged it in:

What. The. Eff.

At first I thought there was a missing bulb. Two hours later after searching through every damned socket I decided, eff it! I got in the car, drove to Walmart, and bought a 100 strand oh white lights. And then I went home to remove the prestrung useless piece of crap lights, which took another hour, and proceeded to string and then RE-string the new lights I bought. You can laugh at the irony if you want, cause I did. And then I cried. After 4 hours and a pulled back muscle, this is the finished product:

Merry Effin Christmas.

All I Want For Christmas

Back in April, B and I made a deal. Sparknotes version- the deal was if I get to my goal weight of 138 B would quit smoking. The idea was that knowing my love's health rested on my shoulders would be a better motivator than just my own vain reasons for losing weight. If you follow my blog, you know I only lasted 9 weeks at dieting and now I am right back where I started. It's not that I do not care about my husband, I do and more than I can say, but it comes down to the fact that I equate my self worth with how I look and in the end that is sabotaging no matter how you look because no one will ever think they are perfect.

A very wise person told me that people love me for the person I am inside and that person is funny, kind, caring, and beautiful. Therefore, she said, my outsides reflect that, because people who love you will only see you for what matters. And I am embarrassed to say that while I can apply that to my friends and family, I have a hard time applying it to myself.

Yesterday a co-worker and I started a diet program together. We figured with Christmas right around the corner, we should try shed some pounds to combat the inevitable weight gain from all the up coming festivities. Yes, I want to lose weight. That has been a common blog theme for two plus years now. And yes, ideally I would love for B to quit smoking. These are both things we struggle with and ultimately come from within. B is taking steps. And I guess I am too... again.

But Santa... all I want for Christmas is to see myself as my love ones do.

The Moment You've All Been Waiting For!

Or not, but here are some wedding pics for your viewing pleasure:

It was such a perfect day and SO MUCH FUN! I want to do it all over again. Guess there is always renewing the vows...